I was raised up believing I was somehow unique like a snowflake distinct among snowflakes

So here we are and it is mid February and I can hardly believe it. The winter has passed faster than I could have imagined at its outset as I dreaded the short days and long nites of bitter cold and snow. And so far, while there have been challenges the world seems to be softening under the warm temperatures and regular appearances of sunlight glistening between bare branches.

It is amazing how changed my life is from last winter. I walk to school now after a change of living situation following the incident at my old place. And now, I find that my mornings have a new sense of peace and quiet to them I never had when I was merely alone in my apartment. The feeling of walking every day to work allows me a sense of me time that was heretofore not a part of my life except in the small doses of walks to wherever I may have to go that day. I will say that the ability to enjoy this time comes mostly from the fact that I have my ipod. I remember once I listened to Ben Stein speak at my university and he spoke about how spoiled teh current generation is and he referenced the fact that not even the richest most privileged kings of past could carry a symphony with them wherever they went. I immediately thought of Handel and his water music to make the kind of perhaps argument of the first prototype of trying to have an ipod with you. Nevertheless, he's right, it's a kind of luxury that hasn't been imagined before and teh ability to create my own universe inside teh shared universe I live in has become a mainstay in my life here and of course in America too. It's the one way I feel like I can block out the hustle and bustle of life in the modern world. Odd that it takes a piece of modern technology to get me into the Zen place of disconnect. I suppose that's something that a lot of people are searching for in their spiritual lives. I find it in music and given my past it doesn't surprise me that that's the venue where it is most possible.

Life is twisting and turning and I feel with a new sense of urgency the need to start thinking about my readjustment to the states. one can only live in teh moment for so long when an international move is on the horizon. I met some other Americans the other day, wives of basketball players who play on teh European scene specifically Lviv. I felt like america and all its personalities was shoved in my face and I felt the need to decompress afterwards feeling a little scared and a little put off while feeling a little bit at home with it. I live some how in this in between; I'm not fully American in my ways and I'm definitely not fully Ukrainian and so I'm living in teh borderlands of two cultures both of which scare me in some senses. I worry sometimes about my readjustment; my change of expectations and the worries of information dumps that are surely awaiting me. It's gotten to the point here, as I'm sure i've said that I don't know what I'm missing, I dont' remember what things are like in some sense and I don't know exactly what I should be expecting. The girls I was with yesterday had an ipad. I've never even seen one in person. I've read about them a little, but other than that my knowledge is about the same as a person who's seen a picture of a television but has never watched one. Somedays I feel like a luddite. A little afraid of technology and wary of its presence in my life.

Here's to the next 9 months of preparing and getting myself ready for my next adventure and for finding a little solace now and again in the simplicity of music.

hugsandlove to all