I'm not an open book that you can rifle through

A quick post to say:

It's been one year! Officially my one year anniversary here in Ukraine.
It feels surreal it feels weird, but all in all Peace corps was a good and definitely the right decision for me.

I spent the day teaching followed by heading to dinner with a teacher from school and her daughter. It was nice, simple and a great way to low key celebrate without anyone really knowing.

God willin' an the creek don't rise, I'll be home again before this time next year. Though I fear this fever won't break...

I feel like I'm hitting my stride here. I should probably check the peace corps health material and see if it says that this is where I should be in terms of my mental state. A lot of volunteers always tell me that the Peace Corps mental health pattern really closely follows there own; so I suppose it may be worth checking out to see if it's a product of my evolution here naturally or if I like most follow the grain. I wouldn't be surprised if it really is just following the grain.

Teaching seems more manageable, freer and not so much like work. The kids, especially the younger kids, are having ridiculous amounts of fun in the classroom. I'm so excited to be able to play games with them. The best part is that I get to reinforce what they're already learning in class. As we move along in the year, they will progress to more difficult units, BUT for now I'm working with them on remembering basic vocabulary, letter identification, number identification and pronunciation. Mostly with the younger kids. My middle ages are working on team games. Giving each other directions or whatever I know their weak points are from last year. The older kids have really varied English skills. But I'm having a good time, getting them to speak and experimenting with different class formats that I haven't been able to experiment with up until this point.

Socially, life is going really well. I, of course, spend most of my time with other volunteers and I have to say that my network while it grows remains pretty tight knit and helps me keep my sanity. One of my new friends, Blythe, arrived in Lviv in June and I've really enjoyed Blythe coming to site. I have someone to cook with during the week and just kind of debrief. She is a big source of calm in my life right now and she's really adventurous and excited to learn about new things so she makes a great companion at site. Beyond that, I'm REALLY looking forward to traveling to Poland at the end of October with Linnea and meeting up with Ama from Lac du Bois. I think it'll be great to relax and explore with them and enjoy some time outside of Ukraine. The newest group of trainees has arrived, so have my two advisees who I'm really looking forward to meeting. November and December bring more work and the holiday season which I'm looking forward to celebrating with everyone here. AND THEN, of course, heading to Egypt with people! SO wonderful

Extra-Curricular work stuff, I'm working on my grant still and am hopefully going to be finishing up by the end of the month and have it submitted in october so stay tuned for information on how to help fund my schools' project ! Beyond that, I'm the new facilitator for The Collaborative in our oblast, which is a group that tries to share information among PCVs about all sorts of things. I'm really excited to be involved in the planning and I'm hoping to get more involved of course. I have some ideas I think would be helpful. We'll see! I'm still acting as the safety warden for my region, which really isn't too much work, just knowing where people are. And I should have another training soon! I will be headed to my training site (hopefully) in early November to be an adopt-a-cluster person. Which means I will be visiting a training group and acting as a kind of visitor to let them know what service is like and to give them someone to listen to if they ever want to contact anyone should problems arise. I'm working on a safety manual with another peace corps volunteer for women and I'm hoping that will be finished up by December! AND I'm going to help another volunteer work at his field day event for kids with special needs!

Other stuff wise, I'm still reading a lot and have been doing tons of crocheting. AND Blythe and I have had the opportunity to can and preserve stuff from teh bazaar and make lots of tasty dinners. I'm loving the fall produce and atmosphere at the bazaar which brings a sense of fun to my life. I've been hooked up with two girls studying at university who want to meet up with me and take walks and speak English. One is the daughter of a teacher here at school and the other is a friend of a friend of a friend. I'm excited to have the opportunity to spend time with Ukrainians. And it'll be great to have something to do some evenings. Although in all honesty my schedule is a touch crazy and I could use the downtime in some ways.

I've started the grad school search in earnest and have some top schools and a premium contender as well. Now it's a matter of putting together a schedule for some other stuff.

My new goals for the new schedule include getting ready for the GRE, improving my language, more/continued healthy lifestyle goals, new responsibilities for collaborative and just trying to challenge myself while still remaining sane.

I suppose this was a kind of information dump. BUT currently, I would say I'm in the best place emotionally, physically, socially, professionally etc. that I've been in Ukraine and I just like to think about why. I'm celebrating my one year anniversary in Ukraine in a mere 7 days. And with just 14 months remaining in my service it's hard to believe everything going on in life right now. I feel really lucky and really peaceful.

missyouloveyou

This is just a quiet tune to bring a light into your room When I'm not right in front of you to hold you in my arms

So, it's September and my one year of being in Ukraine is fastly approaching. In some ways, I can hardly believe that I have been here a year. I feel as if I have only just arrived in Lviv. I feel comfortable and known and my school as if I have the ties that are necessary for valuable work. At the same time, everything still feels fresh. Perhaps it's because it's all repeated action from the things I was doing last semester. Being in a situation when things are repeated should make things feel old and not new, but maybe this is having the opposite effect.

At the same time, today whether because of illness or the chill in my apartment I felt homesick. It happens time and again passing in waves that is a blur between homesickness and just a want for something familiar; something, I experienced before Ukraine. Most days, it's linked to talking with someone from home or feeling that you're missing out on something. It wasn't necessarily like that today. It came to me even earlier than usual when I was first waking. Again, it could've just been wanting someone to take care of me when I'm sick, but I felt the need to be cuddled in blankets in home and not here listening to music and reading books under the familiar glow of the aged yellow lights of the brass lamps of the living room in Naperville.

The winds are colder and with them the promise of winter and a busy schedule taking me sailing. I've felt the newness of working with the older kids this year, and their excitement and ability to speak makes me feel a bit less like I'm teaching and more like I"m sharing. The small kids are still making sure I feel welcomed giving me hugs and small gifts of the in season walnuts they bring to class from their back yards. Nothing like cracking the shell open of the walnuts against the teachers desk to give to your 6 year old students who wouldn't otherwise to be able to open them themselves and in return you're given a grateful and completely honest hug. Kids hug better than adults not doing it out of practice but of sheer joy and happiness to see you. Being mobbed by my students with hugs is one of teh best parts of the day. It's the middle grades I don't know what to do with, the ones that want to take your picture but don't want to be engaged in a conversation with you. Ones that are too cool to hug you and too self conscious to really make an effort. And still there's that bubbling sense of interest in them; that they want to learn but are afraid that they will be exposed as something less than everyone else thinks they should be. Maybe not less but something different.

Getting a feel for this many ages has proven to be difficult. I've worked with all the ages in depth before, but as with all things the cultural differences seems to block any knowledge of how the kids operate. It's funny there are certain things that are so different from American kids. My 2nd graders prefer me to show them a model of drawing on the board or draw for them rather than do it themselves in their own way. When I ask them to draw their mothers most will say, "I can't do it." My response is always, "yes, you can. Just try" They are never too pleased with this. I think of all the times when I've been with young children in the States who relish the chance to draw in their own way, whatever they like. I may have a lot of problems with education in the States, but we do develop a sense of trying and creativity these kids haven't developed. I just want the kids to take risks, to step outside the box, unafraid of the consequences just to say that they tried, but some days I'm afraid they're all captive to the image they're supposed to be upholding. How do you teach someone to take risks, to try something just for the sake of seeing if it will work out, to experiment. How do you get rid of the fear of failure? Something to think about for the next year and a half of my service. Maybe that should be a secondary goal, get my kids to experiment with different ways of doing things other than following the formulas that I think are being shoved down their throats.

Still, the autumn air makes me simultaneously homesick and completely happy.

The winds will blow their own freshness into you,
and the storms their energy,
while cares will drop away from you
like the leaves of Autumn.

meet me at the wrecking ball

Highlights to the end of summer and the school year beginning :

My visit to my host family and the beginning of my scheduled life in school has made me feel grounded and more functional than I was most of summer.

Autumn is coming and I feel the need to cuddle up with all the comforts of home and acoustic soft music.

I missed my students a lot and working with them makes me REALLY happy. Some days I can be frustrated with their lack of listening; but I really couldn't ask for more kind hearted students.

I did a deep clean of my room. This makes me really happy. I'm even currently displaying the shame of the book stack I have. But I do have a pile of about 4 or so books ready to pass on.

I'm finally getting the time to preserve stuff now that I have a partner in canning. Blythe and I have already done apple butter and salsa and we've got plans for this coming Wednesday after a visit to the bazaar. This makes me really happy!

The weather has gotten cooler making it perfect sweater wearing weather aka my favourite season.

I'm feeling a new sense of opportunity with the new school year and this makes me really happy!

I miss my family and friends in increasing amounts; but with my one year in country mark so quickly approaching, I can hardly believe how fast time is going

I updated my wishlist to the right!

loveandhugstoall