The past week has been a daze of running around. Not that I don't mind being busy, but hours upon hours have been added to my schedule the past few weeks not allowing for anytime for me to really experience anything more than needing to be "on" and fighting back constant fatigue. I suppose it's normal for people in this position and I try not to let it ruin my mood. Being busy can only serve to make me more productive or at least I would hope.
Most peace corps volunteers seem to fill time with projects and working groups; tv and movies; books and work and travel. I do all of this too, well maybe minus projects BUT the thing that I've found most fulfilling in peace corps has been the personal growth I've been able to accomplish. I've learned to balance social life with work life. I've learned to turn it on, learned to support other people in their own dreams and mostly I've learned that just being friendly and smiling has done more for my work here than anything I could've ever done in the classroom. I feel that way with peace corps volunteers too. Peace Corps Ukraine or at least the volunteers sometimes feels a little bit like middle school, and for all the goodness that having so many volunteers in one country brings, I feel like sometimes it does a lot to undercut people's confidence in themselves and the work they are doing. I know I'm not the best teacher in peace corps, there are far more people who are much more skilled than I am and implement things much better than I do. That being said, I feel much worse about myself when I hear other people's views of what I'm doing. I know that I'm social, I arrange get togethers. But most of this is for the sake of getting to know people and letting them know that they have someone they can talk to and who will listen without judging their projects. That I think is rare in peace corps. If I could leave one imprint on my students it would be to work for their country if I could leave one imprint on my community it would be the value of happiness in every day life and if I could leave one imprint on the peace corps community it would be to take a step outside yourself and look to support those around you and encourage teamwork among volunteers.
These days I've gotten another bout of homesickness, these seem to coincide most times with a group either having their COS conference and/or leaving. Seems normal that someone else heading home would put that into my head. This time it's the last group to leave before my group heads out. I'm amazed at how many of us there still are. 101 volunteers from my group still active out of I think 114/117 who swore in. It's unreal to me that we haven't lost more. I wonder if more will leave for grad school. I know there are some people who openly voice that they will. But I will hold on hope to be reunited with those who mean the most to me at our COS conference. And meanwhile, I'll be fighting through the homesickness until May when I'm reunited with the family. How unreal is that, only 3 short months until I see them.
loveandhugs to all
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