SO this entry will be less fun more introspective. It's getting real that we're leaving (have I been saying that for the last three months?) The remnants of the group before us are getting fewer and fewer and we're here as the oldest group in country. More real is that people are starting to look at job opportunities including myself I guess. I started cleaning out my old apartment today. Finishing my large wardrobe and desk. I have a huge bag of clothes and shoes ready for the women's center and a bag for another volunteer and a bag of trash and a bag that will keep me til i leave in hopefully 4 months. I even started packing the small suitcase I'm using with the things I want to bring home. The more I get rid of the better it feels and more manageable for later. Knowing I won't be hauling things all over to get rid of them is a certain sort of comfort.
After meeting up with some PCVs and their parents I've really started to think about the skills I've learned in Ukraine:
Patience and Self Control in my expectations for others: When I lived in America and especially when I was younger I expected everyone to fall into my own timeline. Being in Ukraine has taught me that while realistic goals and timelines are important and sometimes people can take a few more days to stew and the project won't be the worse for it. I don't expect instant gratification, in terms of service, help or anything. Instead, I take control of what I can and let the rest go. I've learned to not act out and rather look into myself when I think about how I'm reacting to a situation. If something bad happens, my reaction time has gone down. It takes a littler longer for me to react and that in some ways is a source of self control.
And so, those are my reflections for today about life in Ukraine and what I've learned thus far. As I think more and more about service I'm sure these will be just the beginning but for now I'm happy, happy to have experienced and learned, happy to have met wonderful supports in my life and happy that this will add to my life for the rest of it.
loveandhugs
Emotional Control: I don't feel anymore that I'm an emotional being. I've realised that my emotional health has steadied here. I dont' react as strongly to anything and my default emotion is contentedness and surprise when things go well. It's a treasured thing to get a smiling person at a store or politeness on the street or professionalism when I'm dealing with businesses. Those small glimmers give me hope for Ukraine.
Deeper Appreciation for America: I don't want it to seem that Ukraine is only badness and so I've learned to treasure what i have at home or something that is good in the day and I can put up with a lot more, but that is indeed the case in some ways. Ukraine isn't only badness, in fact, I find a lot of positive in it. That being said, I've never treasured the way I was raised and the place I was raised in more. I think, I was allowed and encouraged to think for myself and to solve the problems that I encountered on a daily basis with critical thinking skills. I appreciate my education and my civic education and the freedoms I was granted as a child to develop as I wanted.
Living Simply is gratifying: I complain a lot about public transportation, but in all honesty I don't mind the hour I get on the tram to sit and look at the city and just be. I'm so much more comfortable in my own existence. I'm at home with my own thoughts and these days I think of myself as pretty good company for myself. luxuries seem greater when life is simple.
Standing up for myself in personal and professional relationships: I'm still working on this, but thanks to the help of many of my friends in peace corps who have taught, modeled and encouraged me to do this; I feel more confident voicing my needs and standing up for myself and not being afraid to say "No."
I'm really good at being an objective listener and reading people/situation: I think that this is what I've learned in the last few years that has really effected how I interact with people. I have realised that I can really read people and their tendencies, needs, etc. pretty quickly once having met them. That being said, I can read a situation someone is describing to me about a problem as well. I have never felt so trusted by people as I do here and with that I feel a responsibility to that trust. It makes me feel good that this ability can help me put people at ease with me and I can help others.
My face and facial expressions lend people to think I'm a little bit more helpless than I may be: Older people in Ukraine ALWAYS want to help me with things. Whether it's helping me find the right bus or tram or helping me with my tickets or store purchase. They always speak to me with a comfort and care that I associate with family members. Most often I get called sunshine, sometimes ladies sing to me, sometimes they give me a little extra fruit or vegetable for cheaper just because. They always ask me if I'm warm, what I've been doing etc. It's nice to be cared about by strangers in a world that can be kind of harsh.
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