it makes such an almighty sound

So, the first post in awhile. October finished out with the great gift of one week free of responsibility of teaching. I headed to Poland with Linnea and met Ama there. You can check out the pictures on facebook if you haven't already. There are a few great things about the trip: one, it was my first trip outside of Ukraine since arriving (otherwise known as in over a year) two, it gave me a much needed break from the day to day challenges of being a teacher in a culture you don't always understand and three: I got to see Ama; a friend from America who knew me before Peace Corps. Peace Corps has changed me in innumerable ways. I look different, I feel different, I speak differently. There's nothing wrong with any of these changes, but it was nice to tap in to who I was before I came here and feel comfortable being around an old friend. More than anything Ama makes me laugh and makes me feel a sense of stability. Krakow itself was amazing. I think that most people when they picture Poland actually end up picturing something a little closer to what Ukraine is like, but in all honesty Krakow is cleaner than Paris and is super accommodating in terms of English speakers etc. We got to see the city and have ethnic foods and go to bars which specialized in serving something other than borscht and vodka. An all together win I would say. I will say the trip included some interesting travel moments; but the best was being able to say I've crossed a country's border on foot. Now, if only I could travel across by bike I think I'd have most travel modes crossed off.

After Poland, I headed to Uzhgorod, my first time visiting the bigger city in Zakarpatska oblast. I had so much fun and I have to say that I"m glad that I didn't take an all day train to head to Kharkiv for the party out east. Matt, Scott and I dressed as Snap, Crackle and Pop and those pictures of course will be on facebook soon. I forget sometimes what peace corps gatherings are like given that I spend most of my time with Matt and Scott drinking at the same bar in Lviv. But it's nice every now and again to get a good taste of everyone else's peace corps existence.

Now, I'm back to teaching and looking to the future. Everyone can officially start the 12 month countdown because that's how long I have left in my service. It's amazing to think I've been here 14 months; time is funny in that way I suppose. My work here changes day to day; I mean I'm always teaching but I find I do a lot more supporting of my younger students and a lot more giving perspective to my older students. I don't know what to say about the development in Ukraine. In a lot of ways, it's moving so quickly and I'm in awe of what they're accomplishing on the outside. New buildings are always being put up and redone and in terms of looks the city is really changing and I can see the changes even from only the 11 months I've been at my site. But, I wonder sometimes if the Ukrainian mindset will change at the same rate; I know the answer is in theory no. . . I really don't know. Sometimes I see such huge changes in mindsets, with my kids, with other Ukrainians. There's one person in particular here who I really admire in terms of breaking outside the bubble and thinking differently. It's a girl I'm tutoring who is around 20, her name is Pasia. She's an artist and the way she thinks about things completely turns my pre-conceived notions about the Ukrainian mindset into peril. I'm always glad to talk to her and interact with her. She's one of the only people I've met who actively engages with people from other cultures and wants to learn.

So what will November bring; a little thanksgiving celebration and the booking of our Egypt trip. Soon enough it will be December and christmas will be upon us. I'm looking forward to the holiday season, especially knowing it's the last one away from my family.

love and hugs to all

maybe all my years of travelling have quenched what I've thirsted

Here's to a crisp autumn. The weather is cold and after a hard week of homesickness I'm feeling myself on the mend. Homesickness isn't something I've ever really dealt with, but it came in full force this week. I suppose it's only natural. But I'm glad that it's passed and I can move on to other more exciting things. This post is probably more about promise than anything else, promise and plans for the future.

My grant is officially written. I closed myself in my house today finishing the grant and working on some other projects I've been putting off during my down and out feelings. I feel like I'm getting back on track and that it'll be soon enough where the project will be on its feet. Then, oh then, this week I got a lot of information about the future. This Wednesday I'm heading to Nosivka, my host village, to visit my host family and act as the adopt-a-cluster person. Can't wait to meet the new trainees and hopefully my presentation will go alright. I'm going to be doing a presentation on young learners and I hope my plans will be ok. Americans can be a bit more touchy and judgemental than Ukrainians and so I hope they're not expecting fireworks. At the very least I hope that my excitement can make up for that. I'm also giving some information on rubrics. Thanks to help from Joe who sent me some of his and then I am going to give information on how I grade my little kids. After that I'll be back home and then in two weeks I'm headed to Poland with Linnea and meeting up with Ama. I really cannot wait! I get home and head down to Uzhgorod for Halloween!!! Still have some costume stuff to do ! But that can wait til next week. And then warden training! Ah life is crazy.

We finally got the plans and price quotes for Egypt so that's definitely a go for new years! Seven days in the warmth of teh desert I'll take it!

feeling good and I figure after last week I should post when feeling good and happy. These posts are more important than the others anyway! There's still a lot on my plate, but I'm feeling more happy about getting things finished and I'm starting to feel like I can do it. I'm looking forward to possibilities.

loveandhugs

put your body next to mine and dream on

Sometimes I think that being busier is better. I think a lot about the amount of times in the states I was working two jobs in order to keep myself busy because I thought I needed to. Being in Peace Corps has oddly enough changed a lot of that. Granted I do work; 18 hours a week in school and I have something planned for about an hour or so a day after school. And on weekends, there's lots of meetings and travel normally. What really scares me is that I've become accustomed to waking up at 8am and taking my time to get ready for work. I enjoy an amount of free time (even when i have events) that isn't really possible in the states. I hope that when I go back to America, I'll still be able to read and to experience. . . but sometimes I worry.

School is going along at a lightning pace and I can't believe it's already October and fall break is rapidly approaching and I'll be heading to Poland. In all honesty, the trip to Poland is keeping me sane at this point. I've been having harder hits of homesickness; though I don't know why. In talking to Joe, he mentioned that everyone of my cluster mates that I am close with have had a chance to see their parents making being away from home easier to deal with. While I'm the only one who has gone cold turkey from my parents for a year. Worse, not exactly knowing how much longer I'm going to have to go without them. Homesickness is tough and it's taken me a really long time to be affected by it. I'm hoping that it will ebb and flow and that it won't always be so ever present in my daily life. I think that as things move along my mind will drift to other things and other plans.

I haven't been getting much reading done, instead I've found myself doing a lot of lesson planning and a lot of phone conversation. I'm hoping to get back to that too. Perhaps, this will just be a blog entry of hopes, the hopes that I want to happen before Poland maybe or just in general.

Well, everything else is going fine. My place is really cold. really cold and I'm trying not to think about what winter is going to be like. I forgot how cold my place really gets. I'm trying to avoid plugging in my space heater until November. But I might have to make it a temperature decision rather than a month decision.

that's all for now. perhaps a more substantial post in the weeks to come after some big events.
hugsandlove

I'm not an open book that you can rifle through

A quick post to say:

It's been one year! Officially my one year anniversary here in Ukraine.
It feels surreal it feels weird, but all in all Peace corps was a good and definitely the right decision for me.

I spent the day teaching followed by heading to dinner with a teacher from school and her daughter. It was nice, simple and a great way to low key celebrate without anyone really knowing.

God willin' an the creek don't rise, I'll be home again before this time next year. Though I fear this fever won't break...

I feel like I'm hitting my stride here. I should probably check the peace corps health material and see if it says that this is where I should be in terms of my mental state. A lot of volunteers always tell me that the Peace Corps mental health pattern really closely follows there own; so I suppose it may be worth checking out to see if it's a product of my evolution here naturally or if I like most follow the grain. I wouldn't be surprised if it really is just following the grain.

Teaching seems more manageable, freer and not so much like work. The kids, especially the younger kids, are having ridiculous amounts of fun in the classroom. I'm so excited to be able to play games with them. The best part is that I get to reinforce what they're already learning in class. As we move along in the year, they will progress to more difficult units, BUT for now I'm working with them on remembering basic vocabulary, letter identification, number identification and pronunciation. Mostly with the younger kids. My middle ages are working on team games. Giving each other directions or whatever I know their weak points are from last year. The older kids have really varied English skills. But I'm having a good time, getting them to speak and experimenting with different class formats that I haven't been able to experiment with up until this point.

Socially, life is going really well. I, of course, spend most of my time with other volunteers and I have to say that my network while it grows remains pretty tight knit and helps me keep my sanity. One of my new friends, Blythe, arrived in Lviv in June and I've really enjoyed Blythe coming to site. I have someone to cook with during the week and just kind of debrief. She is a big source of calm in my life right now and she's really adventurous and excited to learn about new things so she makes a great companion at site. Beyond that, I'm REALLY looking forward to traveling to Poland at the end of October with Linnea and meeting up with Ama from Lac du Bois. I think it'll be great to relax and explore with them and enjoy some time outside of Ukraine. The newest group of trainees has arrived, so have my two advisees who I'm really looking forward to meeting. November and December bring more work and the holiday season which I'm looking forward to celebrating with everyone here. AND THEN, of course, heading to Egypt with people! SO wonderful

Extra-Curricular work stuff, I'm working on my grant still and am hopefully going to be finishing up by the end of the month and have it submitted in october so stay tuned for information on how to help fund my schools' project ! Beyond that, I'm the new facilitator for The Collaborative in our oblast, which is a group that tries to share information among PCVs about all sorts of things. I'm really excited to be involved in the planning and I'm hoping to get more involved of course. I have some ideas I think would be helpful. We'll see! I'm still acting as the safety warden for my region, which really isn't too much work, just knowing where people are. And I should have another training soon! I will be headed to my training site (hopefully) in early November to be an adopt-a-cluster person. Which means I will be visiting a training group and acting as a kind of visitor to let them know what service is like and to give them someone to listen to if they ever want to contact anyone should problems arise. I'm working on a safety manual with another peace corps volunteer for women and I'm hoping that will be finished up by December! AND I'm going to help another volunteer work at his field day event for kids with special needs!

Other stuff wise, I'm still reading a lot and have been doing tons of crocheting. AND Blythe and I have had the opportunity to can and preserve stuff from teh bazaar and make lots of tasty dinners. I'm loving the fall produce and atmosphere at the bazaar which brings a sense of fun to my life. I've been hooked up with two girls studying at university who want to meet up with me and take walks and speak English. One is the daughter of a teacher here at school and the other is a friend of a friend of a friend. I'm excited to have the opportunity to spend time with Ukrainians. And it'll be great to have something to do some evenings. Although in all honesty my schedule is a touch crazy and I could use the downtime in some ways.

I've started the grad school search in earnest and have some top schools and a premium contender as well. Now it's a matter of putting together a schedule for some other stuff.

My new goals for the new schedule include getting ready for the GRE, improving my language, more/continued healthy lifestyle goals, new responsibilities for collaborative and just trying to challenge myself while still remaining sane.

I suppose this was a kind of information dump. BUT currently, I would say I'm in the best place emotionally, physically, socially, professionally etc. that I've been in Ukraine and I just like to think about why. I'm celebrating my one year anniversary in Ukraine in a mere 7 days. And with just 14 months remaining in my service it's hard to believe everything going on in life right now. I feel really lucky and really peaceful.

missyouloveyou

This is just a quiet tune to bring a light into your room When I'm not right in front of you to hold you in my arms

So, it's September and my one year of being in Ukraine is fastly approaching. In some ways, I can hardly believe that I have been here a year. I feel as if I have only just arrived in Lviv. I feel comfortable and known and my school as if I have the ties that are necessary for valuable work. At the same time, everything still feels fresh. Perhaps it's because it's all repeated action from the things I was doing last semester. Being in a situation when things are repeated should make things feel old and not new, but maybe this is having the opposite effect.

At the same time, today whether because of illness or the chill in my apartment I felt homesick. It happens time and again passing in waves that is a blur between homesickness and just a want for something familiar; something, I experienced before Ukraine. Most days, it's linked to talking with someone from home or feeling that you're missing out on something. It wasn't necessarily like that today. It came to me even earlier than usual when I was first waking. Again, it could've just been wanting someone to take care of me when I'm sick, but I felt the need to be cuddled in blankets in home and not here listening to music and reading books under the familiar glow of the aged yellow lights of the brass lamps of the living room in Naperville.

The winds are colder and with them the promise of winter and a busy schedule taking me sailing. I've felt the newness of working with the older kids this year, and their excitement and ability to speak makes me feel a bit less like I'm teaching and more like I"m sharing. The small kids are still making sure I feel welcomed giving me hugs and small gifts of the in season walnuts they bring to class from their back yards. Nothing like cracking the shell open of the walnuts against the teachers desk to give to your 6 year old students who wouldn't otherwise to be able to open them themselves and in return you're given a grateful and completely honest hug. Kids hug better than adults not doing it out of practice but of sheer joy and happiness to see you. Being mobbed by my students with hugs is one of teh best parts of the day. It's the middle grades I don't know what to do with, the ones that want to take your picture but don't want to be engaged in a conversation with you. Ones that are too cool to hug you and too self conscious to really make an effort. And still there's that bubbling sense of interest in them; that they want to learn but are afraid that they will be exposed as something less than everyone else thinks they should be. Maybe not less but something different.

Getting a feel for this many ages has proven to be difficult. I've worked with all the ages in depth before, but as with all things the cultural differences seems to block any knowledge of how the kids operate. It's funny there are certain things that are so different from American kids. My 2nd graders prefer me to show them a model of drawing on the board or draw for them rather than do it themselves in their own way. When I ask them to draw their mothers most will say, "I can't do it." My response is always, "yes, you can. Just try" They are never too pleased with this. I think of all the times when I've been with young children in the States who relish the chance to draw in their own way, whatever they like. I may have a lot of problems with education in the States, but we do develop a sense of trying and creativity these kids haven't developed. I just want the kids to take risks, to step outside the box, unafraid of the consequences just to say that they tried, but some days I'm afraid they're all captive to the image they're supposed to be upholding. How do you teach someone to take risks, to try something just for the sake of seeing if it will work out, to experiment. How do you get rid of the fear of failure? Something to think about for the next year and a half of my service. Maybe that should be a secondary goal, get my kids to experiment with different ways of doing things other than following the formulas that I think are being shoved down their throats.

Still, the autumn air makes me simultaneously homesick and completely happy.

The winds will blow their own freshness into you,
and the storms their energy,
while cares will drop away from you
like the leaves of Autumn.

meet me at the wrecking ball

Highlights to the end of summer and the school year beginning :

My visit to my host family and the beginning of my scheduled life in school has made me feel grounded and more functional than I was most of summer.

Autumn is coming and I feel the need to cuddle up with all the comforts of home and acoustic soft music.

I missed my students a lot and working with them makes me REALLY happy. Some days I can be frustrated with their lack of listening; but I really couldn't ask for more kind hearted students.

I did a deep clean of my room. This makes me really happy. I'm even currently displaying the shame of the book stack I have. But I do have a pile of about 4 or so books ready to pass on.

I'm finally getting the time to preserve stuff now that I have a partner in canning. Blythe and I have already done apple butter and salsa and we've got plans for this coming Wednesday after a visit to the bazaar. This makes me really happy!

The weather has gotten cooler making it perfect sweater wearing weather aka my favourite season.

I'm feeling a new sense of opportunity with the new school year and this makes me really happy!

I miss my family and friends in increasing amounts; but with my one year in country mark so quickly approaching, I can hardly believe how fast time is going

I updated my wishlist to the right!

loveandhugstoall